Friday, November 21, 2008

The beauty of human beings: The sadness and the happiness

Generally speaking here.. *Everyone's experience is different, but there are some problems that many people face.. common problems*

Perhaps I just reached a point where I had had enough. Yes, I've been feeling like that for a while. That depends upon that with which you discover yourself having enough. It is strictly subjective. Some people have higher or lower tolerances to "enough".

Do you feel sad sometimes? It's a fact that everyone feels sad from time to time. There are times for everybody when hopelessness takes place.

This feeling is sadness for the society that we live in. The world around us is always in shambles. While our lives may be perfect, there are countless others with so many problems that could be solved if people would think and be loving and considerate. It is good that you feel sadness for our society. It means that you aren't just another heartless person engulfed in it. It also probably means that you want to help people with problems like that man's. It's a noble cause. It's natural to have feelings of sadness.

The beauty of human beings is that we are all different, and there are different things that make us all happy... But, there is something for everyone and there is also a place in this world that is perfect for each and every one of us... it's just discovering what and where those things/places are.

Have you been doing the same thing for ages? Do you need a change? And I'll tell you something for sure, every person needs something to look forward to all of the time. Whether it's a holiday, the hope of finding someone to love who will love us in return, moving house, saving up to buy something, even shopping, a birthday, ect... ect.... it just depends what interests you most...

The best way to self discovery (which does include discovering what makes you happy) ... when you work abroad, no-one knows you (you being the reputation you have to live up to in your home town) they only have of you what you give them, you are open to be who you want to be entirely, and who you have become. You also are meeting new people everyday, people from all over the world, different cultures, backgrounds, workers, holiday-makers (people on holiday are the happiest people and the most fun to be around)...

You also go there to live your life, not to work! work is not even like work, it's fun and takes up hardly any of your time there. You don't have to do this, I just think it's a really good chance to open your eyes and realize there's a lot more out there than what you've already experienced in life. So why not give it a go?

Please yourself first!! sounds selfish but you have to like who you are first.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sound off and be heard: Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed - *What's on Your Mind?*

“I feel like my friends are always talking smack behind my back. They'll all be talking together, but when I join the group they stop. They start up again as soon as I leave. I've tried asking them about it, but they deny they're doing it… "

Gossip raises gossips, but what else does it raise ? It happens to everyone.

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he/she tag along all the time, but since he/she are so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with he/ she/ them.

But eventually your friends tires of you. They decides they're no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, they decides to "kill" you. In fact, they has been plotting your death since the day you met them.

Why do people talk behind their friend's back? I was just wondering because I experienced that thing before. Some adults still have some bad habits and still talk behind people's backs. Why? .. Oh Please! Don't be hypocrite.

Perhaps, you too may talk someone behind. Don't say 'No' not only all of this world peoples are anyone talk like this behind to someone. Such activities are not impress to others.

I think the main reason why friends talk about you behind your back is because they either don't like you or there's something about you that they don't like. There are other reasons as well why they talk about you behind your back.

Those so-called people whom you called friends talk about you behind your back, they are not your friends. Friends do not bad mouth each other and they're there for one another. People talk about other people regardless and it is up to us to not be so concerned of what they think. I learned i life to pick and choose your friends carefully. If they want to be part of your life, be a positive influence, picks you up when you're down and they're there for you, that is a friend.

I think one of the biggest problems with helping someone deal with the loss of someone close is that a lot of people feel the subject is a bit unapproachable, they tiptoe around it in a mostly ungraceful manner, hence the elephant in the room... People should know that it can be spoken about and if the person isn't in the mood for speaking then let them drop it.

This old saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" is time tested. There is no dearth of friends in this world but finding a true or real friend is really difficult. Lot of people will boast that I have hundreds of friends but when she/he is in trouble how many of the hundreds will extend a helpful hand. Friends always keep changing. How many friends stay in touch with changes of place. You have friends in your primary school but when you leave and move to secondary school you forget these friends and make new friends.

Likewise, when you leave school or college you move to join your work place you get new friends and forget old friends. Only few friends stay in touch with changing place and time. What does it show? In fact this is not friendship this is an arrangement to share things, to share work . However, sharing of responsibility in easy and stable manner changes in real friendship.

Most of the time we make friends with some purpose. However, when you make friendship without purpose and your liking and disliking match each other, chances are that this friendship will last long. True friendship needs compromises, sacrifices and helping attitude towards each other. Sometime we becomes more demanding and always expect that a friend will always agree to your viewpoint but this is wrong attitude and should never expect too much.

When you become dependent on someone whether she/he is your friend actually you are demanding more than needed. However, friendship is other form of love. It is in no terms less than love. If you have true friendship you will love your friend more than any other thing in this world but this world is materialistic so first test and evaluate than go ahead with friendship. People are really lucky who find good friends. I would find a friend that is trustworthy and nice. Tell me, who wouldn't?

p/s: do a little self-evaluation

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Entering Marriage Life: Congratulations to the groom and Best Wishes to the bride

Wedding quotes: A wedding is a start of togetherness... of walks in the rain, basking in the sunshine, shared meals, caring for one another and sensing the love that a marriage carries. Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. Love is not sweet talks and flowers, but love is forgiving and compromising. - Simone Signore.

The dowry, Malaysian style, consists of money, jewellery, rice, sugar and other food stuffs for the bridal room. The amount of dowry varies from time to time as well as from place to place.

For the Malays, the dowry is presented during the "akad nikah" of which the wedding is officiated by the Kadi or Imam..The hantaran or the main dowry is magnificiently presented at this ceremony. This kind of dowry usually ranges from RM500 to RM5,000. The mas kahwin is the compulsory dowry which is given to the bride before the Kadi as a token of faith and love at the akad nikah.

The ceremony is full of fun and delights but of course it has to start with the akad nikah - the formal contract of marriage or also commonly known as the marriage solemnization or wedding vows.

The akad nikah or the marriage ceremony was performed in the mosque. The groom, Nizwan, stated his vows in front of families, relatives and friends.

Before the akad nikah proper, as preliminaries, the Kadi or Imam will try to make the groom comfortable and gives out advice and suggestions on the duties of a good husband and wife. Sometimes, he might test the groom on religious matters by asking him to recite verses of the Al-Quran, or knowledge of the basic pillars of Islam and faith.

But since nowadays all potential marriage partners must attend a wedding course before they can get married, it is usually assumed that the groom is well versed in basic Islamic knowledge. Well, the akad nikah will start with the groom sitting on a small square mattress to make him comfortable, facing the Imam. They will then hold hands in a handshake manner, and the imam will say the words of the akad nikah to the groom who will then reply.

This post however is not about my wedding, but my friend brother's wedding ceremony. The groom, Nizwan and his newly-wed Siti Zuraini (name of bride).

I have to admit, when it comes to weddings, I've always loved wedding stuff and therefore love to see all of ideas and plans coming fruition. So I thought that I'd contribute by posting reviews of the most recent wedding I attended. It was a hectic day; I went to a friend's akad nikah solemnization today and thought I'd share with you a few snippets from that event. I took pictures too, which captured the wedding parade and the people there.

The ceremony was held in the mosque (Penang State Mosque in Air Itam). Just a simple ceremony that focused on love and not the glitz and glamour of most I have been to lately. But this was a different type of wedding in that everyone involved genuinely cared for one another. The two families seemed to love each other and they seemed to genuinely love their children. Their friends seemed to genuinely love one another. It was genuinely touching. And the most importantly the bride and groom seemed to genuinely love each other.

Once we had arrived, we were greeted by many relatives clad in colorful Malay attires, as were we. Malays really love bright colors for their formal clothing. As a Muslim woman, during that day, we are encourage to wear a tudung (head-scarf). I brought a 40 inches square tudung bawal and learnt to put them on. Nobody actually taught me how to wear one. I had watched my Mother, Aunties and friends, putting them on. I thought to myself, ahhh a piece of cake, no problem la. Well, still I look cool in tudung. Hehehe!

I wasn't planning to wear the tudung immediately. I considered it too fast a move to do one. I needed time to adjust. Not all born Muslim women wear one; I even told my friends that I'd wear a tudung when the time is right for me. For me, I needed time to get used to the feeling of a piece of cloth on my head.. In the meantime, I would cover my head with a long shawl or selendang. Wearing the head cover is not something that I've always done.

When I was at the ceremony, some of my friends and relatives even my mother's friends, couldn't recognize me. They saw my face but yet without seeing my hair. But seriously, it is a never to be forgotten experience.

Now let's get back to the akad nikah ceremony.. Life after marriage - Couples who stay or living together. Marriage is a beautiful thing in life. It is unique experience. After marriage we can so easily find every flaw in someone who was so recently flawless. We also discover a more intimate knowledge of the others fears, anxieties and weaknesses of which we have so few. In a successful marriage we should calm our spouse's fears, give comfort when they are anxious and make them strong where there is weakness. What greater love could we give?...... Life after marriage is wonderful.

Marriage is being there for the other in bad times as well as the good. Married love stands through thick and thin, no matter how hot the trials or how hard the test. Married love never loses hope. It's always there, always dependable, always ready with outstretched hands and open arms to take the other into love, to comfort, to hold, and to cherish. Marriage is learning to let the little things pass.

Here are few pictures of an akad nikah proceeding taking place. Notice that everyone is seated on the floor, with witnesses surrounding the groom and the Kadi.

Lastly, the akad nikah was followed by returning the visit and greeting the bride's family at their residence. Upon arrival the bride was given gifts from the Groom's family. The giftsare normally jewelleries, food, clothing or heirlooms.

The ceremony ends with the bride kissing the groom's hands after the placing of the ring.
And they will later in the afternoon precede for the Bersanding ceremony – sitting in state on the pelamin - the highlight of a traditional Malay wedding.

To both newly-wed couple, we wish you all the happiness that you both deserve as you travel through life together. And, while you may experience those challenges of life, you will never again be alone in conquering these issues for each of you bound together in marriage form a tremendous power to exceed, to persevere, and to help each other be all that each can be. We are so pleased to see you married. May the happiness you experience on your wedding day remain with you both for many years to come.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Overcoming Jealousy - I keep telling to myself on how to cope with jealousy.... recovery and repair.

It's a little odd to be writing about this. ...

I feel jealous sometimes but it often passes pretty quickly and without the almost burning intensity some people seem to experience. I have known some very jealous personalities in my life. To be perfectly honest, I can't think of any one that ended up being truly happy or successful. Jealousy has a way of destroying everything in front of it without regards. I can freely admit that I am not a jealous person, and I feel that it has a lot to do with the fact that I concentrate more on what I do than what others do. I believe that I could be a jealous person if I wouldn't have this control over myself. After all, I am a very competitive person that thrives on adversity. I would seem to be the perfect fit to have jealous tendencies, yet I do not. Even though, jealousy is a perfectly natural emotion.

Still, I have of course thoughts about this problem and found a few ways to overcome it when it arises within. Hopefully this article can be helpful for you to decrease this destructive feeling in your life. I admit I'm not much of a jealous person. Well, sometimes I love it but most of the time I hate it. Well for some reason I love this quote, I think it's very authentic. It's rare to have people who can admit that they're jealous. And perhaps loving it would make life easier. I don't know.. Maybe yes and maybe no. But tell me, what are you jealous of?

But what exactly is jealousy? A feeling of wanting something that is not yours? Practically this makes sense. We always want what we can't have. So is it possible to enjoy not having something? What I'm going to say is to me, being jealous is like a kick to go further, it's a motivation to get it, it's the missing piece to force ourselves to do something. Being jealous can help you to go do something. Someone's smarter than you? Study harder and get smart! Work it out!!! Jealousy and ambition are a nice combination if you can work it out together. But yet, you need to know that there's good and bad jealousy (obviously that's basically how the way life works!). You can be jealous of someone cause they have somebody else.. And that's just a feeling that throws you down... And the undercurrent of jealousy is always there to spice things up.

Jealousy in relationship is one way the phenomenon manifests itself. It has its peaks and valleys or has its problems. Another is a poor self-concept. It is a very negative factor in any relationship. It often suffocates the relationship. In every relationship, Love must be free and it must be confident. Remember that every relationship should be built and nurtured on compromise, communication and understanding. We all have feelings.

So basically people just need to know how to make lemonade out of lemons right? To tell you, I'm jealous of this particular thing, and this one is a good jealousy, yeah I wish I was rich. Hehehe! Just kidding. But being jealous of material things such as objects and money is just a waste of time to me.

We have to think positive. The feeling of jealousy makes me feel lousy! Be mature. Childish behaviors like extreme jealousy are a big no-no.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Cook on weekend

Oh, it was a lovely weekend. What a breath of fresh air. Throughout my weekend of juice in the kitchen. Today I was thinking of the pleasures of homemaking and thought I'd share a few with you. I love homemaking because my time is my own. I dictate how my day will go and that is an awesome thing to do. Cooking became an outlet when I was all of a sudden out of options to keep myself occupied at home.

If all of us realize how important good food preparation to our families and loved ones, we will never ever take this for granted and I get great pleasure out of seeing instant gratification on people’s faces.

This is how my Mom taught me where love and food is actually connected to each other… Prepare the food with love definitely love will grows stronger in you and peoples around you.

I could start off by telling a story of how I learnt cooking from my Mother when I was a young girl … but I didn’t. Hehe! And still can I remember being in the kitchen with Mak when I was little and "helping" as much as any 5 year old can. Then the teenage years set it and, gosh, was I selfish!! I remember Mak asking me "How long do you boil chicken?", "How long do you boil eggs?" and on and on and on. Things I would have learned had I been less selfish and continued under the tutelage of my Mother. My answer? "Mak, I'll just read the directions."

My Mother love to cook, it’s her passion, it’s her life. And when I was little, I wasn’t interested in cooking. I just wanted to eat! Plus, if I was anywhere near the kitchen when Mak was cooking, it never fails… I’d always end up with the shit jobs!

Pinching the itty bitty tails off the of bean sprouts, shelling pounds and pounds of shrimp … so on and so on .. Hehehe! Of course, Mak would constantly spew out kitchen wisdom, but hey, I was young and didn’t care about cooking- I WANTED TO EAT!

So I really didn’t learn how to cook during my younger days well until my Mother opened her mouth and said to me “How in the world are you ever going to cook for your family if you never help me cook now?"

Okay, so I was Miss Smarty Pants and not very honoring to my Mother. I've repented, believe me. I'm not saying I'm an expert cook, but I love to learn new methods instead of the same old same old.

After years gone by and time flies … And I’m all grown up now, it’s never too late to learn. Hehe! Here's the story... I'm not a chef. I'm not a professional cook. But I love what happens when I serve up delicious food from my own kitchen. In our family, the kitchen is the center of life. It's a warm and friendly place to be. But it wasn't always like this -- in fact my first encounter with cooking was a total disaster. Cooking is the center of life for almost everyone in the world, and it's about more than just feeding your body. Cooking is really about love and connection.

I love to cook and I'm going to cook something special…So today, I’m cooking Ikan masak kukus Nyonya style - I've got fresh limes ready to squeeze. (You know my passion for fish) and sambal tumis taukua.. it’s been long time since I have cooked that and I’m more than happy that I realized it, even though it was after a good long while. I was determined to learn how to cook a decent meal, though. That's why I was determined to learn to cook and doing so really changed my life.
Fact I'm proud of myself though I'm a lousy cook but bit by bit my cooking skills have improved over the years, my enjoyment of food has also increased. Hehe! As I work to improve my cooking skills, my writing style and my lifestyle in general, I have realized to become a better cook as well. To target my “audience”.. Hehehe!

Even though cooking is not my obsession. It's not even really my hobby. But it has become a great vehicle for making a connection with others I cannot make any other way. The well-cooked meal is simply a vehicle to deeper friendships, fascinating conversation, family together time, and yes...sometimes even romance. And I’m willing to give it a try. Absolutely!

I want to be like my Mother. My Mother is very good cook. She teaches me how to cook and be a good wife for my future husband. Mostly, I learned to cook from my Mother and Mummy (my aunt).

Even if you don't think you can cook worth diddly and If you ever wished you could cook up meals and dishes that leave your guests with their mouths watering... rubbing their midsections and making that "mmmmmmm" sound... and raving about how delicious your cooking is.
Have a great weekend and full of healthy food!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Encouragement has given me peace of mind

I allow myself to feel calm and relaxed. With every breath in, I breathe in relaxation and with every breath out, I breathe out tension.

My body is relaxing and as I become aware of any tightness in any muscle, I let it go. They drift away and I allow calmness and peace to enter my mind.

My thoughts open up like a path inward, towards my inner self. I have courage to cross obstacles of my inner weaknesses or doubts and begin to explore the silent spaces within. I am strong enough to let go of all the mistakes of the past and fears of the future. They drift away like steam dissolving into space.

I move away from the limitations I'd placed upon myself in the form of doubts and expectations and I allow myself to be free.

I respect myself. Life is a game in which I make the rules. I choose to play the game of life with clarity in my thoughts and easiness and lightness in my attitudes.
I accept the surprises and changes life is offering me with confidence and calmness, resolving to live everyday in freedom and peace.

Now it's time for my thoughts to return. As I return, I keep within myself feelings of peace and strength, free just to be me.

Author Anthony Robbins: The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Dear Diary - Disabled to text messages

Earlier this evening I was facing some minor problems on my mobile phone. I can’t send text message to anybody. So I called up the Digi Center for an assistance. Lend me your ears. What I want to say is that many of the service-based Malaysian companies are bad for our health, mental health that is. For they have infernal phone answering machines that drive up our stress levels or into fits of frustration.

I ended up mouthing profanities into one such device after phoning a phone company over some matters today, I had told myself to be patient and do everything the computerised message said. My dread started when I heard something I didn't want to hear, that depression inducing cheery voice recording that says: "If you want this, press 1, if you want that, press 2..." Patient, just be patient, I consoled myself. By the way, patience, according to the dictionary is a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

It was like queueing up as I waited for a metallic feminine voice at the other end of the line to tell me what to do. Navigating your way through the answering machine can be quite tricky. Push the wrong buttons and you end up going nowhere. Push the right buttons, like in life, you go far. After hitting several if-you-wish-to-do-this buttons, it was joy for me when I finally heard the machine say the magic words: "If you want to speak to our customer service officers, please press zero." Bingo! I thought I finally got a human to talk to but to my despair, the voice recording says: "Our operators are all busy, we will attend to you in a short while." With a frown, I waited. *Sigh* They let me listen to some mozart to calm me down. After a while, the voice chirped again: "Our operators are still busy, we will attend to you soon." Clenching my teeth, I waited while mozart continued to calm me. Then, my restless finger hit a button, causing the machine to say the same thing again: "If you want this, press 1, if you want that, press 2..." "Oh no," I cried. More waiting, but I wasn't discouraged, so another 10 minutes of the tell-you-what-to-do stuff.

It was like taking a wrong turn and getting caught in a traffic jam. Before you can hit a button to proceed to another button, you have to wait for the voice to finish saying out its complete set of instructions. It ended with me close to a nervous breakdown when the answering machine said: "All our operators are busy, please call back later." The machine then hung up on me with a click even as I screamed: "Arrrggghhhh…No! No! Please don't hang up, please don't do this to me." I gave up (well, almost .. hehehe) .. But, I was like thinking the next day going downtown to the company concerned to sort out my problem. I will be billed half-an-hour for a call to nobody. Of course, they can say mozart kept me company.

You would be lucky to have mozart or something like that. When they keep you waiting, some companies even take the opportunity to try to make more money from you - by advertising their products over the phone. Spare a thought for those poor folk who have to keep putting in coins when they use the public phone to call a company but ended up being kept at bay by an answering machine. What about old folks who hardly held a phone in their younger days? Expect them to be an old hand in dealing with an answering machine? Isn't the old way much better, straight to the point with real telephonists handling the queries. Some companies tell you to leave a voice mail for them to call you back. But a friend remarked: "It's all phony. They bluff-lah, they never call you back."

Friday, June 20, 2008

Rewriting life: From her heart

The wrong tone of voice and negative body language can cause problems when dealing with other people. However, using the wrong words can also be source of trouble. There are certain trigger words that cause people to become more difficult, especially in emotionally charged situations and they should be avoided. For my observations interruptions are a norm in daily communication. What do u people think? Hrmmm.... but maybe I can be wrong. I wish I could turn back the clock, I definitely would not have done it. It's an imperfect world, and people make mistakes, even when they're trying to do their best.

You need to know that people make mistakes sometimes foolishly and with their eyes half-closed, sometimes deliberately. And these mistakes take a toll on the people around. But that doesn't mean that the person who has made the mistake is inherently bad or evil. And he/she did not mean to do it.

Since interruptions are so commonplace, people like me wondered, could it be that interruptions are justified in some situations? In other words, are there times when we need to interrupt?

In order to answer this question, we need to ask ourselves another question.
Let us share our wealth of knowledge, lessons and ideas.

In most situations, the answer is no. People speak because they have something they want u to listen to. They also have expectations that u will listen. In polite conversation, it's best to honour those expectations if u would like to be so honoured in turn.

I have watched TV talk shows when the host interrupts a panelist. Usually I find that I am less interested in what the host brings up than in what the panelist was saying. I am also left wondering what the panelist was going to say. It may have been important. The interruption prevents me from ever knowing.

Interruptions may be the norm in daily communication, but that doesn't necessarily make them good things. I've noticed that traffic accidents are the norm on Malaysian roadways. That doesn't justify fender benders; it just means that there are a lot of careless drivers on the roads. Likewise, many people are careless in their daily communications.

Exercising more care in listening can prevent interruptions. There may be times, however, when an interruption is excusable or even necessary. Or perhaps a listener might require immediate clarification to fully understand the point a speaker is trying to make. In any case, the interruption must be done carefully and courteously.

Interruptions are not necessarily bad things. It is the way in which we interrupt that makes them rude or insensitive. Butting in with your own two cents worth of information while someone is still speaking is clearly unacceptable. Politely requesting an interruption and raising a question or a remark relevant to what the speaker is saying is admissible, sometimes even welcome.

Requesting an interruption can be done many different ways. In a face-to-face conversation, interruptions need to be smooth, almost as if they are a part of the conversation. Achieving this politely can be done by first indicating through body language that an interruption is coming.

Well, remember what we used to do in school? If the teacher was talking and u had a question or comment, what were u supposed to do? That's right. Raise your hand.

The meaning of this gesture has carried through to our lives. Naturally, u won't do it as frantically as u did back in Standard Five as if you're swatting nyamuk. Providing a gesture before u interrupt allows someone to a convenient pause. At this point, your verbal interruption should begin with something polite. Excuse me works every time. I'm sorry' might be used for more formality or if u are introducing disagreement, clarification or correction.

Although this is an interruption, there is no disrespect or disservice involved. The focus in the conversation has smoothly shifted to u for the moment, interruptions over the telephone are trickier since we don't have the luxury of body language to interrupt the flow. Just as in face-to-face communications, however, u don't want to interrupt someone mid-sentence.

Well yeah, if u feel a need to interrupt, wait for a break between sentences or ideas and slip your verbal interruption in at that point. Other than correcting or clarifying, the only other situation I can think of in which an interruption is necessary is if someone deserves to be silenced. An interruption in this case could serve as either a favour or a reprimand.

Maybe the interruption will provoke even more offensiveness. Maybe u'll get punched in the nose. In cases like these, I've often found that the best way to interrupt is to ignore. Vulgarians often silence themselves when they realise they have no audience. Interruptions are commonplace, but most of them are unwelcome. In the few situations where interruptions are warranted, however, remember that there are courteous ways to interrupt.

Receptivity to feedback and learning agility. People make mistakes. They never stop making mistakes. The question is, do they learn from them? The best way to learn is to welcome, even seek out, feedback from those in the know and those u respect. This is a rare commodity, particularly among the egocentric.

What we learned as children is true. The rules haven't changed just because we've grown up. The sad truth, it is bad to hurt other people’s feeling. In all sincerity, of the people's feeling on the issue. I think the incident shouldn't have happened. It's just a reaction on my side. It's a small matter and it's already been settled. Anyone who knows me, I would like to say... Seriously, I have a little confession to make here.. Anyone who might have felt offended to accept a thousand apologies from me.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Acting out the many roles in life

I would like to share my point of view. When I write something, anything, I want it to sound really loud and provocative. Perhaps instinctively, I want attention. I love attention. Who doesn't? In a good ways. What I meant is, everyone wants to be remembered.

Be it a gossip, ingenious science project, a string of As or driving to school... everyone wants to be known for something.

It is always good to ponder. Nobody really knows everything about another. Why? Because each of those u know presents only one of his/her 'images' to u. Because we play so many roles in our lifetime. The more commitments we have, the more roles we take on.

There is the time we taught to be good-mannered and filliary correct from very young. Then as we grew be educationally correct and careerwise correct.

Soon we get married and we become parentally correct and neighbourily correct. We 'grow' with the children through their metamorphosis from toddler to adolescent to middleage. We ate as bodyguard, teacher, driver, nurse and mentor.

It is a multi-faceted life! Enriching isn't it? If u don't enjoy that process of allowing that child in u, then the teenager in u, to have a second-joyous swing at life.

When some one falls short of a standard he/she sets for himself/herself and does not achieve it, he/she loses self-esteem. He/She withdraws 'punishes' himself/herself ... he/she doesn't like himself/herself. And he/she expects that others will not like him/her too. He/She has assumed a new image.

Well yes, we can unconciously keep changing all the time 'according to how we see ourselves' and we keep thinking that's how others see us!

If the company we keep expect us to keep a quiet profile, we are not heard or seen. If our peers expect us to be vocal, we learn to be more expressive. But as long as we have great conviction in what we believe in and put a lot of ourselves into it, we will sparkle with enthusiasm the light that keeps us going.

When someone suddenly says 'U should try to be yourself ... Just act natural...' And u wonder quietly, which is the natural u because the natural u only appears when u all by yourself. U can then totally get back to what u really are, out of the public eye without censure without having to be politically correct, away from the demands of family and society.

And if u could live with that natural u, u will definitely think that life is worth living. It's very important that u like what u see with your priorities balanced not harming anyone. Doing what u can to help those in need ... If such are your goals for yourself.

Remember, if u do not like yourself, who else will like u? Dare to be yourself, that's the point. No plastic. Cool to be ordinary. And u'll know u've got true friend(s).

To be yourself and I mean your own self for once. Now that's the point. The opposite of bravery is not cowardice but comformity.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Managing jealousy

Greeting everyone. Here I am again. Sitting infront of my computer. Just to improve my writing skills. Hahaha! Well, yeah. Hrrmm... Can't really sleep yet. Probably later, not so soon. But I will try forcing myself off to bed once I'm done with this. Hopefully!

So people, mind if I ask, is green your colour? When the green-eyed monster (jealousy) strikes, there is no telling what u are capable of doing to the person u are envious of.

Why do we get jealous? Is it a good thing? Can we successfully use our our jealous streak to strive to be better and in the process, work harder to get whatever we want?

I've read an article from a magazine. Experts say that professional jealousy comes with the profession ... any profession. The basic problem we face with professional jealousy is the extent to which it affects our psyche and the influence it has on others.

Normal jealously is acceptable. It is OK for u to feel envious about your peer’s success or promotion and how well she has done if you can say, “I am happy she’s made it. I hope it's my turn the next time.” This is healthy and it may just spur you on to greater things.

I looked up the definition of “jealous” and I found the word “envious” along with it. The definition was “feeling bitter and unhappy because of another’s advantages, possessions or luck.”

Look at all the negative emotions that come into play. Being jealous makes u unhappy. It makes u bitter, miserable and irrational. Sad isn't it? Hrrmm...

Professional jealousy is common in the workplace. It may happen in the best of environments, where people have planned career paths and yet many get waylaid, without the opportunity to go up the ladder. When people get left behind, what reactions do we see? U could even be jealous of your best friend’s success. It does not matter where u work. U could be a smart, hardworking executive who is liked by the boss but are not popular with the rest of your peers.

Or u could be an excellent leader, with the vision and ideas on how to get things done but you find people sabotaging your efforts. Or u could be a dedicated doctor who cares for the patient’s well-being, yet your colleagues seldom refer cases to u for fear that your dedication would reflect on their attitude.

Oh, and I love this sentence... Can professional jealousy be managed? The answers.. In mature corporate organisations, leaders of teams will tell u that it is possible. Yup! ... The remedy basically is that we should have “self-discipline,” pursue a high ideal in life and be devoted to the profession for its own sake.

When everyone is working for corporate success and some of us are not so lucky, how do we get over the envy we feel and move on to bettering ourselves? Here are some steps to manage professional jealousy:

Do not be nasty about someone’s success. Do not say anything negative in public as what u say has a way of going back to the person involved.

If u really think that someone’s promotion was unfair and u were bypassed, write down your grievances in your diary and keep it under lock and key. If u want to scream your frustrations out loud, go to a beach and do so, but see that there is no one there. Hehehe! Hey! Serious.. It's true. U people should try this out. Shout as hard as u can.

Learn to deal with your frustrations quietly and move on. Focus on where u went wrong so that u can rectify it. *FOCUS ZALINA FOCUS*

Do recognise jealousy. If u feel “bad, angry, depressed, bitter, bitchy” u are jealous.

Once u understand your feelings, face facts. This is a “normal” feeling. You are only human. U are disappointed. Go talk to someone who is your best friend and who will not be judgmental or talk about u behind your back. If there is no one, talk to yourself. Talk to the mirror. Rant and rave. Then get over it and move on. U have better things to do. All this should not take more than one day.

Think about the person who got the promotion. What did she/he do right? Did she/he work hard, how did she/he manage the relationship with the boss? Did she/he deserve what she/he got? But if the means to the end was not ethical, decide how u want to play the game. If there was discrimination and favouritism, then there is nothing u can do about it; your only option is to switch jobs.

It is a pity not many people take heed of the negative elements of professional jealousy. What is tragic is that experienced professionals tend to be jealous of young people who are smart and dynamic.

They are quick to destroy the careers of these young people by not giving them the right opportunities. Professional jealousy has many drawbacks. It makes u miserable, your friends leave u, time is wasted and there is enough bile to poison your life for good.

*Be positive ... Think positive ... Act positively* - must remind myself of that.

Any words that is suitable for 'positive'? Mind sharing the idea with me?

Saturday, June 7, 2008


I've always wanted to write in to share my views. Well, suddenly I came across a word "CONFIDENCE". I memorised its exact meaning and how it was to be used. Now, isn't that something we all wish we had? Ok, not all of us but maybe a fraction of the teenage population. Well, maybe and maybe not. I think I do belong to this exclusive insecure group in some ways. Sometimes I do have problems of low self-esteem myself. But I have to face the reality of life and be stronger. A very closed and a special person, always said to me"I want u to be a strong person" .. And I will definitely won't forget about that. *MUAH* Thanks Love! :-)

U ask, "What is this 'confidence' nonsense this writer is trying to prove?" Well, here's a little test:

Do u try to fit in with others? Do u buy clothes for fashion instead of comfort? Can u speak to a person with equal position without trembling? Nervousness?

If u've answered a "Yes" to any of these questions u belong to this unfortunate bunch. Not to worry. Confidence builds up as time passes, assuming u are determined and not willing to give up. Beware though, it may take ages to build up confidence in something but it may also all crash down in a snap.

It's usually when people talk about u that u lose your confidence. For instance, a 10 month-old baby is taking his first few steps. He does so with confidence as he is being praised and encouraged by his parents.

Now imagine this baby 7 years later. He's out playing with some friends and they are laughing at him because he is too afraid to climb over a 1.5m high fence. He then starts to cry and feel lonely. Don't let others run your life for u.

Don't belong to a clique with a 'leader'. What makes such a person so significant anyway? Is it because he/she is the most popular person in school with the coolest things and latest trends? Or because he/she has that ability to control or influence others?

Well, u must realise u are important too. In fact, u are the most important person in your life! So take control of that life and enjoy it.

One of the most important things a person has to do in life is love himself or herself. So what if u have chubby cheeks or a crooked nose? It doesn't matter. That's u. Original. Genuine. U gotta love yourself and forget about what other think or say.

Besides, others worry enough about themselves, they'll hardly notice your flaws. And by simply loving yourself, wallah!!! U've taken your first step in confidence-building.

Another suggestion is to look confident even if u don't feel like it. Never show u're afraid or vervous. People will begin to respect u more as they see u as a stronger-person. Tada!!!! Another chunk of confidence.

And lastly, never give-up. Don't be afraid to fail it's part of life and learning. View your problems as challenges which u will overcome. Life itself is a big challenge for everyone. If u make a mistake, learn from it and try again. What have u got to lose? Just don't give-up!!!

Believe in yourself and have friends who believe and have faith in u. U will achieve your dreams. U build up confidence with each step u take. U become a wiser person. And a happier one too.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Long Distance Love

As soon as the postman arrives at the gate, u pounce on him eagerly hoping there's an airmail letter for u. When there's none, u'll curse the poor man under your breath out of frustration.
U'll sit patiently by the phone each night & wait for it to ring. Its first tinkle sends u into a frenzy & u yell at the top of your voice that the call is for u to deter nosy siblings from eavesdropping on the extension.

With bated breath & drumming heartbeat, u nervously flutter your lashes & speak in your saccharine sweet voice into the mouthpiece, desperately trying to shut out the ruckus around u.
Aaah ... All I can say here is ... u're in love.
But there's a catch. It's a long-distance relationship. That's when he's a flight away & your only means of communication is humankind's greatest invention, the telephone or cellphone. Since letters take at least 10 days to arrive, the telephone or cellphone becomes a girl's best friend. And don't look to your parents for support & sympathy, not once they've had a glimpse at the exorbitant phone bills. But what the heck, there's e-mail now & fax machines things just keep getting better, don't they?

Of course, a long-distance kind of love needs that extra effort, it needs a bigger dose of 'commitment & faithfulness' to each other. There is the promise to love & cherish but the heart must be strong & willing. It is not worth to heartache to make promises u have no intention of keeping.

One very crucial stage to go through is the miss-u-like-crazy stage, where the very thought of your loved one in a foreign land or from any other states or cities, perhaps surrounded by gorgeous maidens is enough to make u go out of your mind.

Your mind begins to wander & the green-eyed monster slowly begins to take u over. Fury & anger get a hold of u when u imagine him frolicking in the sun with nymph-like goddesses. Of course, that's when u've got to get a grip on your wild imagination, take a deep-breath & slap yourself silly for having such an overly imaginative mind.

The key word in a long-distance relationship is patience. Despite all the inconveniences & difficulties, there's the comfort of knowing that u only have to be patient for a couple of years (to some is 'Arrrgh!'). After that, it's just a matter of adjustments & u'll be together again & live happily ever after.

Pessimists may argue that it is quite impossible to maintain a long distance relationship due to all sorts of problems that might crop up. To them, I say go suck an orange. A really sour one.
As long as both sides are willing, I believe that things will work out. A friend once told me, should one be able to get through the few years of being apart, linked strongly by their feelings & emotions, the future will eventually work out.

I have realised the truth of her words. When there's a will, there's a way, goes the over-used cliche. But the truth in it couldn't be more well said. As long as both parties are willing, the impossible will work out somehow & happiness will be theirs ... eventually.